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What It Feels Like: A Fresh Look

Updated: Mar 21, 2023

One day I woke up and looked around my room, and everything looked different. Everything felt different, it was sort of like I was in a new environment. However, everything was the same, and it was ticking me because then I looked in my huge wall mirror and I hardly recognized what I was looking at. I knew it was me, but it was like I was looking at someone else. I hit the road and even the 405 looks different, it looks even more scenic, more vibrant, brand new even. I decided to question this bright look of life, reluctantly, because honestly, I didn’t want to put a question mark where God put a period. An answer came though, it came a little later, but what was happening was, I was present. I was in a place where I was able to look around and actually see beauty in the things around me.

I come from a place where peace came in the form of a holiday, so when peace became mandatory in my life, it took some time to get used to. Some days are more peaceful than others, but the required peace made my life what it currently is and it’s what keeps me kind hearted. (What a Libra thing to say lol)

Before recognizing and standing in being present, my life was on autopilot. Get up, go to work, go to bed, do it again. I wasn’t ‘at cause’ of my purpose, of my assets, nor my liabilities. I was just living, and dreaming. Receiving sign after sign, but hardly making a move towards any of my goals. Life on autopilot, I don’t have to address my emotions, I would just fly straight up to the next plateau. Transparency? I was scared. Scared of the unknown, I mean... who isn’t? Am I right? I’ve grown so accustomed to a previous lifestyle (that I’ve always known I wanted to change), but was scared of what that change would look like, I wasn’t allowing myself a chance to experience the beauty of my journey, which took away from my gratitude. I became disconnected when my expectations of where I thought I should be were higher than my gratitude for where I was. I’m always striving to be thorough in the work I do. Always looking to get stronger, quicker, smarter, overall just better. I give myself high regards in the skill sets I have. I’m a natural talent, I can figure out anything I put my mind to, I’m compassionate, a great leader, and my face card babyyyyy #nevadeclinemyGAWD (it’s a skill). I’m also angry, impatient, untrusting, controlling, etc. There’s light and dark to all of us, and all aspects of us are valid, and important to know.

There’s something that’s unspoken about shifting into new realities. Since I was shifting into a new space, I was in a new alignment. I tell you some days I look around and I just have an inside laugh with myself because I’m exactly the type of person my younger self would’ve looked up to. I’m exactly where I should be and I trust where I’m going. This journey though, the unspoken truth? I had to separate with one reality in order to live and be present in another. That means habits, people, beliefs, etc all had to align with the new frequency I’ve reached. I try over and over again to make it all work, doing all I can to keep the same people in my life, convincing myself my habits aren’t affecting my new day to day, having the belief of entitlement, that my struggles meant I deserve this success I’ve acclaimed, and not because I worked my ass off for it.

That shit so draining. I dropped it all, scariest shit of my life I kid you not. I’ve lost people who meant the world to me, but it was either me or them. And since they were so cool of it being me, they had to go. It’s easier said than done though because when you really love someone you want to do everything in your power to bring them along, you want to heal them, raise their vibrations, force their alignment. Life doesn't grant you access to mess with someone’s free will though, fortunately.

Everyone deserves to live their unapologetic truth, everyone deserves to reach their highest potential, and everyone deserves the chance to fail forward. If you’re not able to do those things, check your surroundings. That’s how I became disconnected, I silenced my POV so others could feel comfortable, so they didn’t feel small, so I could just have people around. OnG, that sh*t changed… One, my self awareness is frfr undeniable, and I got sick of repeating the same experience. Two, I’m surrounded by the most amazing community. Three, I sometimes forget I’m that b*tch (Number #2 helps remind me). Four, I can’t even hold you.. I’m in Therapy. I’m fortunate enough to have someone help me do the inner work. It’s important to do the work. So you can embrace life and see the beauty in the life we get to live daily. There is beauty, whether your perspective can see it or not, there is beauty in each and every one of our lives.

Find your vibration, and continue to raise it. Give yourself permission to thrive and succeed. Take a breath to look at and appreciate where you are. Enjoy the sun shining today as you drive, play your favorite music as you get ready, make every moment intentional with pushing yourself toward what you want. Before you know it, you’ll be enjoying A Fresh Look.

Speak soon,

- Malaiye

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